


Just to Get Back to You

by FlagofHeaven



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Season 8 canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 05:05:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4906612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlagofHeaven/pseuds/FlagofHeaven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Freshly pulled from Purgatory, Castiel fights to get back to Dean. </p>
<p>....falls just before/during "A Little Slice of Kevin"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just to Get Back to You

Castiel just wants to get back to Dean. 

He’s blind and numb. But he can hear. And all he hears is pain -- a righteous soul crying out in pain so loudly its cries echo to Castiel. He knows its Dean. 

The last thing Castiel remembers, he was in Purgatory. He was running for his life, dodging demons, Leviathans, and monsters. It felt like there was no end, but he knew that Purgatory was where he belonged. After the destruction he caused on Earth and the devastation he inflicted in Heaven, this was the only place he deserved to be. He had let Dean go, and had chosen to stay behind to do penance for his crimes. 

Now he’s been lifted out of that nightmare. The room around him is so blindingly bright white he cannot see a thing. He doesn’t know where he is, and that knowledge isn’t comforting. His body -- he’s pretty sure he’s still in his vessel -- is braced down on a hard surface, and he cannot move. 

Castiel can still feel the soul of Dean Winchester. He can feel the loss Dean feels, the numbing pain, and realizes with a heavy heart that his absence is the cause of the hunter’s pain. 

_It’s ok!_ Castiel screams internally. _I’m still alive!_ But he isn’t actually sure if that’s even true.

The room fades to dark around Castiel.

* *  
_“Cas didn’t make it. Something happened to him down there. Things got pretty hairy toward the end, and he just let go”_

Dean’s voice pierces the silence around Castiel. Cas’s eyes fly open, but the darkness remains around him. 

“Dean!” he calls out. The darkness around him does not answer. 

* *  
Naomi, who runs Heaven’s Intelligence department, has Castiel captive. He’s finally remained lucid long enough to understand that’s he’s currently tied to a chair in Heaven and cannot escape. She says she’s going to fix him. She says she has a job for him.

Castiel cannot focus on her words. He just wants to go home. He just wants to get back to the Winchesters. It’s like he has his own channel of Angel Radio and he can occasionally hear what’s happening to the brothers. He can feel Dean’s emotions, and the pain that he tries to hide. He knows if he can back to Dean they can both be whole again. 

_“Too much heart was always Castiel’s problem.”_

Castiel can hear Samandriel’s voice and feels the twinge of pain in Dean’s chest at the mention of the angel. Dean feels guilty at the fact that Castiel’s heart made him choose Dean, again and again, no matter what it cost the angel.

“No!” Castiel screams. “No! It wasn’t your fault. I did it all for you, but I would do it again. I would do it all over. I meant it all.”

But Naomi is back. And she’s doing something to him. He can feel his free will literally slipping away. He cannot control his thoughts anymore, she starts telling him what to think. He cannot control his words, he says all the things he shouldn’t. 

“Please,” Castiel pleads, “please just let me go to him.” He doesn’t want to be saying these words. He shouldn’t tell Naomi his weakness; he shouldn’t tell her how much Dean means to him. But he can’t seem to stop his own words, they flow out of his mouth against his will.

“Are you truly so desperate to return to Earth?” she asks, her voice cold.

“Yes! Please let me return. Please. I’ll do anything. Just. I must stop this pain. I need to go and see Dean. I have to tell him I’m alive.”

“And why should I do anything for you?” she demands. “You destroyed Heaven, Castiel. You decimated your home, murdered your brothers and sisters. Why shouldn’t we lock you up for the rest of eternity?”

Castiel feels the shame inside him. “I’m sorry,” he says uselessly. “Please, just let me go home.”

“Home?” Naomi laughs mirthlessly. “Well, if that slum is truly your home, then maybe I will sentence you there. You say you’ll do anything to return to your favorite human pets?”

“Anything.” Castiel hates the helpless and pleading tone of his own voice, but he is powerless to stop it.

“You may yet prove useful to me. I will return you to Earth, but you will work for me. Do you understand?”

Castiel nods. 

“So be it.”

The room goes dark and Castiel can feel himself falling. 

* *  
Castiel opens his eyes. The world is spinning around him. He’s by the side of a road, and seems to be walking along it. There are trees around him. His breath catches for a moment. Purgatory. 

No. It’s too ... bright? Too... _alive_ for Purgatory. This is most certainly Earth.

_How the hell did he get here?_

He had been in Purgatory a moment ago. He could still feel the adrenaline from running from the five Leviathans that had had him cornered. So how did he get to Earth? 

There’s no one in sight and the road is deserted. Castiel continues walking, still finding his proverbial sea legs back on solid ground. There are no monsters here. 

_Dean._

The thought appears in his head immediately. Castiel has to get back to him. He doesn’t know why, but he has this feeling ... it’s like a familiar tug on him, that he has to get to Dean as soon as possible. Is the hunter in danger? ( _Probably,_ Castiel thinks, _when isn’t Dean in danger or doing something stupid?_ ) 

The sound of an approaching car jars him from his thoughts. Castiel’s pauses for a moment as he sees the ’67 black Chevy Impala speed by him. He would know that car anywhere. He holds his breath as he sees the car screech to a halt and backup towards him. 

“Dean!” Castiel says. He smiles as he sees Dean in the driver’s seat, classic rock playing loudly over the Impala’s speakers. 

Dean looks confused. He gets out of the car and stares blankly around the road, and the strange bear stature advertising a nearby resort. He doesn’t look at Castiel. He looks spooked and sad. 

Castiel’s heart sinks as he realizes Dean cannot see him. 

“Dean!” Castiel shouts. He focuses all his power to make himself visible. “Dean. I’m right here! I’m alive!” 

Dean shakes his head to clear it, takes a deep breath, and gets back in the car. Castiel can feel his pain, it’s so potent. He stretches out with his angelic powers, trying to touch Dean’s mind, to send him some kind of signal that Cas is ok. But he knows it doesn’t work. 

Castiel stands on the side of the road for a long time. His powers aren’t all the way back. His “batteries were drained”, as Dean would say. He takes a deep breath and continues walking. He’ll get back to Dean, even if he has to walk the entire way there. 

* *  


Castiel watches from outside the window as Dean stares blankly into the thunderstorm. Apparently he’s still invisible. 

Dean’s pain, however, is almost tangible to Castiel. 

_“Why do I feel like crap?” Dean asks Sam._

_“Survivor’s guilt? If you let it, this is gonna keep messing with you. You gotta walk past it.”_

“I’m right here!” Castiel shouts. He reaches out to grab Dean, but instead the room spins around him and his vision goes blurry. 

* *  
“Are we going to Rome? Wouldn’t be too shabby.” Dean grabs a towel from the rack and looks back into the mirror. His eyes grow wide and he freezes for a moment. Castiel knows that this time it worked. Finally, Dean can see him. 

“Hello, Dean.”

* *

“How exactly are you sitting here with us right now?”

Castiel takes a deep breath, and glances down. He tries, and fails to hide the pain Dean’s words caused.

_I’m back!_ he wants to scream! _I’m alive. I’ve been running and hiding. I’ve been fighting my way, all this time, to get back to you! I’ve felt how much pain my death caused you and all I wanted is to tell you I’m safe. I did it all for you, why can’t you just be happy I’m here? I came back, I had to get back to you._

Castiel sees it in Dean’s eyes. The hunter doesn’t trust him. He half expects Dean to throw holy water in his face or cut him with a silver knife. His heart sinks and fights to keep his voice steady and calm. “I remember endlessly running and hiding from Leviathan, and then I was on the road in Illinois.”

“And that was it?” 

“Yes.” Castiel glances at Sam. The younger Winchester looks sympathetic. Cas can tell that Sam believes him, and he takes a small comfort in that thought. Maybe Sam can coax Dean around. He just needs to get out of this room. He blurts out the first excuse that comes to mind. “I’m dirty,” and heads for the bathroom. He barely hears Dean mutter something about Purgatory. 

Castiel stands at the bathroom sink and grips the counter until his knuckles turn white. He stares at his own reflection in the mirror and sees the haunted look of Purgatory in his eyes. 

His tattered clothes and unshaven face seem unimportant right now. When Dean had found Castiel in Purgatory he had wrapped his arms around the angel and smiled like nothing Castiel had seen before. Now... Dean doesn’t trust him. Dean is not happy he returned. Castiel realizes with a sinking feeling that Dean might not even want him here. 

Castiel can hear Sam and Dean talking about him in the other room. He can still feel the echoes of Dean’s pain, but it’s changed. It’s still loss and pain, but now it’s wrapped in confusion and turmoil. 

A terrible thought hits Castiel. He abandoned Dean to stay in Purgatory. Or, at least that was how Dean would see it. Castiel just joined a long list of people that had left Dean and the hunter didn’t trust the angel anymore to have his back. 

Castiel fought so hard to make it back here. He isn’t leaving this time. He’s going to stick by the Winchester’s side until Dean trusts him again. When the time is right he will explain to Dean why he had to stay behind, he’ll make him understand he had to serve his sentence out. But for now he just wants to show Dean he’s not leaving again. Castiel will make it up to him.

He closes his eyes for a moment and suddenly he’s back in his old outfit -- the suit and trenchcoat are clean and like new. 

Castiel takes a deep breath and steps back into the room. He smiles at Dean. “Better?” He hopes he can makes things between them better.

**Author's Note:**

> no character copyright infringement intended,etc.
> 
> Saw a great tumblr post (cant find it again, of course) about how Cas would be able to feel the pain Dean was in post-purgatory and just wants to get back to him.


End file.
